A Disturbing New Trend, This Time in Fashion

Wedge sneakers

Yuck. Courtesy of Steve Madden.

To those of you who are fashion-forward, as opposed to me, who has been clinically diagnosed as “Fashion Deficient,” this might be old news. But hopefully this is sufficiently new as to make it worthy of a post in which I rip this trend a new shoelace hole:

Wedge sneakers.

Yes, sneakers have now been made into wedges. For those who just hate how short they are while walking long distances that necessitate comfortable sneakers. I’m pretty sure that’s the tagline.

Let’s examine why this is disturbing.

Sneakers are street shoes. They’re not particularly fashionable, though some varieties of your standard sneaker can be kinda cute. Take these classics from Puma – super comfy, yet colorful and some might even say stylish.

I might be partial, because I own a pair of these myself (not red, though, because let’s be honest, I’m not cool enough to wear red shoes), but these are the bomb. Comfy as all get out, something to put on with denim, rolled up or boot cut, maybe even classic jeans. I’m going to stop there before I give myself away as the butch fashion idiot I am. But you get the picture.

Sneakers could be stylish, but they are NOT fashion. And I’m pretty sure we were all cool with that. Right? So let’s go back to why those wedge sneakers are terrible.

  1. What is that, velcro? The shoelaces weren’t enough to keep you in the shoes because they’re heels? And who ever thought putting velcro and shoelaces together in one shoe was a good idea?
  2. These shoes are GIGANTIC. I’m generally not a fan of giant shoes, unless they are boots. I think those construction shoes look stupid on anyone who isn’t a construction worker and needs a steel toe. Big shoes look silly, especially on small women, the target demo for these wedge sneakers.
  3. Seriously, who was it that said, “Hey, these sneakers are comfy. You know what would make them less comfy? Making them into heels. Yes, we should DO THAT! Also, I hate my calf muscles and wish they were shorter and less effective. GIRL POWER!”
  4. This is basically a straitjacket for your foot. They’re gonna swell because they are in such an unnatural position, and then you are lacing and velcro-ing them into a silly contraption. Recipe for pain and discomfort.

So that’s it, end of rant. Wedge sneakers suck. Tell me if I’m wrong.

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